


maps for the getaway

by aubadechild



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Angst, First Kiss, M/M, References to Illness, never know what to put here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-20 13:10:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3651570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aubadechild/pseuds/aubadechild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Killua wonders if it was all just the product of a fever dream. Hazy. Warm. Bright. But the deeper parts of him don’t doubt the reality of those few golden weeks from many years ago. </p>
<p>One unforgettable summer, Killua strikes out on his own for the first time in his life and runs away to a summer camp. On the way he forms a friendship so deep, he wonders if he will ever be able to move on. Five years later, he returns to see if that bond still remains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

Shafts of moonlight spilled through the open window of the barn, illuminating the two boys snuggled together in the hay. They had fallen asleep to the sound of crickets singing in the dusk, to the lowing of the cattle locked away in their stalls for the night. But now one was waking, wiping the sleep from his eyes and smiling down at the face of his slumbering friend.

“Wake up,” he said. “Hey, Gon, wake up!”

The dark-haired boy, Gon, responded with a yawn. He stretched his arms toward the cobwebbed ceiling before turning away to curl into a ball again.

“It’s too early! Go back to sleep, Killua,” he murmured.

Killua huffed. He crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at his friend’s back. Tumbling out of the haybale, he wrapped two pale hands around Gon’s ankle and yanked.

“You’re gonna miss it, stupid!” he whined through gritted teeth.

Gon yelped and thrashed about, trying to free himself from Killua’s grip. “Let me go!” he cried. “Killua!”

But Killua remained resolute. After a few determined tugs he succeeded in dragging Gon out of his warm burrow and into the blue darkness of the open barn.

Bent over at the waist and panting, Gon glared at his friend through the haze of exhaustion. He blinked down at the dusty barn floor. Goosebumps had begun to dot his bare arms and an unvoluntary shiver slipped down his spine.

“It’s cold,” Gon complained.

Killua wrapped an arm around his shoulder and patted him comfortingly.

“There, there,” he said. “Anyway, if you’re gonna act like a baby, I’m gonna start treating you like one.”

Gon leaned into Killua, grateful for the warmth. Ignoring Killua’s gentle teasing, he asked, “So what’d you wake me up for?”

A sly smile crept up Killua’s face. He pressed a finger to Gon’s lips before reaching for his hand.

“Secret,” Killua whispered. “Follow me.”

The two boys walked hand in hand, careful not to wake the other children who were sleeping soundly in the hay. They tiptoed past their group leader, Leorio, who had fallen asleep with his glasses on and was now snoring loudly enough to wake the dead. He murmured something in his sleep as they walked by, and Killua couldn’t hold back a snicker.

“What do you think he’s dreaming about?” Gon asked.

“Probably Kurapika,” Killua snorted.

They slipped through the open barn door and Gon instinctively turned to bury his head in the crook of Killua’s neck as he was struck by the chilly night air. Killua urged him onward, up a narrow dirt path that snaked through the grassy field and ended at the top of a small hill overlooking the barn and nearby farmhouse. A full moon paved the way, bathing the stones and roots covering the path in an eerie silver glow. At the top, Killua lowered himself to the ground. He patted a patch of grass next to him and Gon sighed, leaning down to join him.

After a few moments of silence, Gon said, “Killua, are we waiting for something? I want to go back inside.”

Killua just grinned and pointed up at the sky.

“Look,” he said, “it’s starting.”

Gon glanced upwards just as a sliver of light streaked by overhead and disappeared so quickly that he briefly wondered if it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. But another followed in the next instant, carving a trail through the dark sky. Soon they came in pairs, then threes, until the entire atmosphere seemed to overflow with flickering lights.

“A meteor shower!” Gon breathed. His mouth hung open in awe. He was leaning back, propped up on his elbows. “Killua, are you seeing this?”

Killua scratched his head.

“Of course I’m seeing it, dummy. Who dragged your ass out of bed at three in the morning to show you?” he replied. But he had to admit that he was far more interested in the way Gon’s eyes lit up every time he saw a star roll across the sky, as though each one was the first one he’d seen in his whole life. Even at twelve years old, Gon still radiated childlike wonder and innocence, and the part of Killua that envied that was buried by the part that yearned to preserve it, to nurture it in Gon.

Gon let himself fall backwards into the grass. He dug into his pocket and produced something that glittered golden in the moonlight.

“Killua, do you still have yours?” he asked.

“My what?”

“Remember? The stuff that nice lady at the farmhouse gave us. You know, it was called, hmm, uh, pirate?”

Killua reached into his own pockets and wrapped his fingers around the jagged edges of his rock. He held it up to the light, studying it.

“I told you a million times, Gon; it’s not ‘pirate’. It’s ‘pyrite’, and it’s pretty worthless anyway.” He tossed it into the air and caught it with his other hand. “Guess it makes a nice keepsake though.”

Gon nodded. “Yeah, from now on, I’ll think of you every time I look at it!” he said.

Killua just laughed and shoved his piece back into his pocket for safekeeping. It might be worthless in the eyes of a collector, but Killua had no intention of parting with it. He folded his hands behind his head and lay down beside Gon.

They stayed that way for what felt like centuries, listening to the sounds of each other’s quiet breathing and a calm breeze that whispered through the grass. At long last, Gon turned over to face Killua.

“You think if I make a wish it’ll come true? Can you only make one wish for the whole night, or can you make one on every shooting star? Huh, how does it work with a meteor shower?” Gon asked.

Killua shrugged. “I don’t believe in that stuff,” he said. Gon frowned, and Killua hastily added, “But if you do, then, uh, go ahead.”

“Okay, I wish that Killua and I could be together always!”

Killua felt his heart jump. He landed a soft punch on Gon’s arm.

“What? That wish sucks!” he said. “You should’ve wished that we’d always be friends, or something! It’s impossible for two people to always be together! Besides, I’d probably get annoyed at you and leave anyway because you’re so loud all of the time!”

Gon pouted, rubbing the spot where Killua hit him.

“How can you be so mean, Killua!” he sniffled.

“And anyway,” Killua continued, ignoring him, “your wish won’t come true at all since you said it out loud. Isn’t the whole point that you’re supposed to keep it to yourself?”

Gon’s eyes widened and he pulled himself back up to sit cross-legged with his head in his hands. A pang of guilt swept through Killua. Gon was taking this way too seriously. Killua sighed and leaned over to rub Gon’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Anyway, I’ll, uh, make a wish instead.”

He closed his eyes, and at the next flash of light he breathed in and out deeply.

Gon’s usual smile returned to his face.

“Now we’ll always be together, right, Killua?” he said.

Killua ruffled Gon’s hair.

“Guess so,” he replied. Of course, sitting beside his best friend and basking in the light of the shooting stars blinking in and out of existence, he had no way of knowing that the two boys had mere hours left before they would be separated for the years to come.  


	2. arrival

Killua slouched in his seat at the back of the bus, half-shut eyes fighting the heavy weight of sleep that kept urging them to close. He yawned and turned up the volume of his handheld music device. Fewer than half of the registered campers were here, yet the noise on the bus had already swollen into an almost unbearable din. Even the expensive noise-cancelling headphones he had bought specifically for this trip couldn’t drown out the shouts of excited camp-goers. He sighed. They would be departing in a little while; perhaps the steady rhythm of the bus would finally lull him to sleep.

Despite his irritation at the incessant chattering around him, a deep sense of relief had settled in his bones the moment he had checked off his name on the list and shoved his belongings into the belly of the bus. The prospect of freedom for a solid three months filled him with unparalleled glee. But the excitement that still bubbled in his chest whenever he thought about the possibility of seeing _him_ again frightened Killua. He tried to push it out of his mind as he crossed his legs, letting his head rest against the window.

For a while Killua let himself drift in and out of a shallow slumber. More and more campers had begun to trickle in. Most of them chose to sit near the front of the bus, chatting and reconnecting with old friends. However, a few had migrated to the back, and a group of kids, none of whom looked a day over ten, started up an energetic sing-a-long in the seats across from Killua. He set his jaw but said nothing, just punched the volume button a few more times.

At long last, the doors to the bus folded shut, and a counselor Killua vaguely remembered from his last trip (Lionel…no, Leonardo?) called role. Killua shut off his music and let his headphones fall around his neck. For the most part he could zone out until they got to the end, since his name was called dead last more often than not. But he found himself listening anyway, curious to see if he recognized the names of anyone who had signed up this year.

When the counselor called out, “Freecss, Gon!”, Killua’s heart froze. His head shot up, scanning the bus. A few seconds passed, but there was no reply. He thought he heard the counselor mutter something about “special circumstances” as he scribbled something down on his clipboard. Unfortunately, it was drowned out by the shrieks of the kids sitting nearby. Killua crossed his arms and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

Whatever. It was fine. Just the fact that he was here was enough. It had to be. He hadn’t risked all that he had risked just to get here and drop out at the last second because things weren’t turning out exactly the way he wanted. He stared out the window at the dusty old convertible he’d driven here until he heard his name.

“The last is…Zol…Zoldyck? Killua?” the counselor said. An eerie quiet descended over the bus.

Fifty or so pairs of eyes peered over the seats when Killua lazily called out, “Hey.” He forced a smile and gave a little wave, but it did little to ease the sudden tension.

“As in, _the_ Zoldycks?” he heard someone whisper.

“No way,” someone else replied.

Killua pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head and slid his headphones over his ears again. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel the stares. Most of these kids were younger than him by at least two years, but it seemed that his family’s reputation preceded him even with this audience.

When the engine grumbled to life beneath him, Killua unzipped his daypack and pulled out a blanket. He folded it into a makeshift pillow and sprawled out along the back seat. Ignoring the few half-hearted attempts by one of the counselors to get him to sit properly, Killua fell asleep within minutes, rocked by the steady rumble of the bus as it began the hour-long journey to the campsite.

 

* * *

 

 It felt as though Killua had only been asleep for a few minutes when he was jolted awake by the bus suddenly pulling onto a bumpy dirt road. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. A few of the campers had their faces pressed up against the glass, and Killua slid over to his little window to see what all the fuss was about.

The glint of sunlight on water caught his eye. Through the pine trees flitting by, he could only catch glimpses of the wide, clear lake that marked the entrance to the camp. He held his breath. At twelve years old, he had been too busy fretting about family matters to appreciate the sights along the route. But now he took it all in, eyes wide and chest filled to the brim with delight.

His memories were dim. They flickered in and out like reels of old film played backwards on a projector. Dust on the floor of a wood cabin. Dancing shadows cast by a campfire. Hands sliding up and down the bark of a tree. Warm face buried in the crook of his neck. Sky filled with stars, bursting through the dark. That boy, Gon.

The bus was slowing down as it passed the gate, and already the other campers had begun to gather their things, craning their necks to see outside. Killua reached down and pulled his daypack into his lap. From what he could tell, the camp seemed unchanged from the last time he had been here almost five years ago. He could see the mess hall at the edge of the clearing, sitting in the shade of the forest beyond. It had seemed such a vast building when he was younger, but now it looked small. The cabins that dotted the perimeter of the massive field that made up the majority of the camp looked a bit more run down than last time, but still homey and welcoming with their slanted rooftops and tiny windows.

After awhile the bus came to a complete stop in the parking lot near the medical cabin and the doors shuttered open. Killua lingered in the back as the rest of the campers scampered out, leaving wrappers and litter behind in their wake. He didn’t envy whoever had to clean up after them, but on his way out, he leaned down and gathered up a few pieces of garbage to toss in the can outside.

“Killua, was it?” someone called as Killua was fitting the lid back on the garbage can. He looked up to find a short blonde person standing with a hand raised to shield their eyes from the sun. Behind them, the tall counselor from before stood with his clipboard under his arm and a massive duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

Killua dusted off his hands and brushed a lock of hair from his face.

“Hey, it’s…” he said, trailing off. It had been five years; who could blame him for not remembering their names? He gave it a go anyhow, pointing at the taller of the two and confidently announcing, “Leopold.” He turned to the other and ventured another wild guess: “K…Katerina?”

Two grim faces stared back at him.

“It’s Le-o-ri-o,” the tall man told him, grinding his teeth together. “You would think that a man as charismatic and charming as myself would leave a lasting impression! But no! He’s forgotten all about us! What do you say, Kurapika?”

Kurapika placed his free hand on Leorio’s shoulder.

“I don’t blame him. It’s been a long time, after all.” He paused and looked over Killua’s head, smiling at something in the distance. “But I think there are probably things he hasn’t forgotten quite yet.”

At that, Killua felt a light tap on his shoulder, startling him. He spun around, fingers curling into fists and legs opening up into a fighting stance. But before he could throw any punches, a hand reached out and grabbed hold of his wrist, and he found himself blinking into familiar brown eyes.

Killua’s chest suddenly felt as though it was collapsing. He was sure, in that moment, that his heart would probably never beat again.

“Gon?” he breathed, his face mere inches away from the other boy’s.

A massive smile dawned on Gon’s face. He stared at Killua as though he had never seen anything so extraordinary in his life. Though his features were more mature and his body notably larger, Gon still had the same puffy cheeks and toothy grin he’d had so many years ago. Killua reached a hand out to touch Gon’s face but thought better of it and pulled away at the last second, shoving it into his pocket.  

“I thought—I thought you might not be coming this year,” Killua said. He could feel his face heating up and he turned his head to the side, trying to hide the embarrassingly large grin that was forming.

Gon shifted his weight to the side and gave him a thumbs up. “I wasn’t on the bus ‘cause I’m a camp counselor now! I’ve been here setting stuff up for you guys since yesterday!”

“Cool,” Killua replied. He swung his arms back and forth, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. In the scenarios that had played out in his head in the weeks prior, he was cool, casual, and composed, sauntering straight up to Gon and immediately picking up where they left off. But now, confronted with the real thing, his brain was so busy processing the reality of the situation that he drew blanks every time he tried to speak.

Gon didn’t seem to mind, however. Before Killua knew what was happening, Gon wrapped his arms around Killua’s waist and squeezed all the air out of him.

“Ah, can’t breathe,” Killua squeaked.

Gon relaxed a bit, his arms still slung around Killua, and Killua sucked in a much needed breath. Chin resting on Killua’s pale shoulder, Gon whispered, “I missed you sooooo much.”

“Yeah, you too,” Killua managed to cough. He moved to pull away, but Gon held him firmly in place.

“Just a little longer?” Gon asked.

Killua tilted his head to the side, one eyebrow raised.

“We have three months to catch up, Gon,” he said.

With one last pat on the back, Gon freed him. He began walking toward the mess hall, motioning for Killua to follow. Killua trotted to catch up, noting with some dismay that he hadn’t even noticed Kurapika and Leorio leaving. They were nowhere in sight now.  

“You should have told me you were coming!” Gon telling him. “I had no idea until Kurapika texted me when you got on the bus.”

All Killua could offer was a shrug. “I guess I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Gon laughed. It was that same pure, soul-cleansing sound that Killua recalled from his childhood, only deeper now, emanating from the depths of Gon’s chest.

“Well, it worked!” Gon replied. He squinted down at the watch on his wrist and pursed his lips. “We’ll have to wait and talk more later! I’ve gotta run and get ready for the welcome meeting. Go ask Bisky for your cabin assignment!”

Gon dashed off toward the dining hall, leaving Killua alone to run a shaky hand through his hair, counting down the seconds until they could talk again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> generic summer camp au GET!!! let's take a look at some of our firsts here. this is simultaneously "baby's first AU fic", "baby's first mature-rated fic" (sorry mom), and "baby's first long multi chapter fic endeavor" so it should be a fun ride for all of us but mostly me. i am sorry the beginning is so slow. trust me when i say it picks up later. should be updated weekly. mature rating is for later on. not right now. look forward to it. baby's first mature fic. anyway please enjoy the first chapter!


	3. passing the time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter and the next chapter were supposed to be combined, but it was getting way too long. sorry! as a result, i have most of the next chapter written so expect it tomorrow, honest to god! after that i'll probably be updating weekly. story will pick up a bit in the next few chaps. eep sorry <3 thanks for all the kind words so far though. it means a whoooole lot, as i'm pretty anxious about posting stuff!

The next few hours passed in a whirlwind haze, leaving Killua breathless as at last he dragged the remainder of his luggage up the three narrow steps to cabin seven. He had yawned his way through the welcome ceremony, only bothering to tune in when he heard the upbeat tone of Gon’s enthusiastic voice explaining something or another. Basic safety talks didn’t concern Killua, and if he was being honest with himself, he had little regard for camp rules. He and a few other campers had shared a chuckle when Biscuit, the camp leader, warned them that “relationships have no place in a summer camp!” Killua had scoffed at that; as if they’d have time to concern themselves with stuff like that when there was so much to do around the camp! He had zoned out again until he heard Bisky listing off their assigned cabins. Though he hadn’t caught the name of his group leader or any of his cabin mates, he had managed to recall the number of his cabin and had promptly mosied over to check it out, only to remember that his duffel bags were still sitting in the bus half a mile away.

That was how he found himself here, hauling his bags across the creaky boards of the cramped room. He made for the back, heaving his things onto the top bunk of a bedframe next to a tiny window that overlooked a small dropoff into the woods below. Far in the distance, a mountain loomed, silent stone sleeping beneath a sky grey with clouds. Killua pressed a hand to the window and watched as his breath fogged up the glass.

On the way in he had counted ten bunks. Those closest to the door had already been filled, and as more of the group trickled in, the bunks in the middle were soon claimed. Killua smiled to himself and absently traced a star in the condensation on the window. This summer would be far more comfortable with his things spread out beneath him and a blanket hung over the lower bunk to make a quiet space where he could retreat if the cabin became too rowdy. He crossed his fingers that no one would burst in the door at the last second and steal the bunk away.

Killua wiped his sleeve over the glass and padded over to the center of the room where two boys a few years younger than him had been bickering for the past five minutes about who would sleep on the top bunk. He bent down to their level and stuck one finger in the air.

“You know, instead of fighting, why don’t you guys just settle it with rock-paper-scissors?” he suggested. “That way it’s fair and you can’t complain about the outcome, okay?”

They both looked up at him and nodded solemnly. With their fists raised, one of them called out, “Best two out of three, okay?”

Satisfied, Killua grinned and straightened himself out, stretching his arms up to the ceiling. Though the ages of his cabin mates varied greatly, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He would have to behave, though; make himself out to be someone to whom they could look up.

Which reminded him, who _was_ their group leader? Whoever it was hadn’t shown himself yet. Killua let his arms fall to his sides and glanced around the room. Other than himself, none of the others could have been older than fifteen. Since all of the bunks were occupied now (save for the one beneath Killua’s), it was probably safe to assume that everyone who ought to be here was here. Except their cabin leader. Killua sighed. At this point, it might be in their best interest if he went and inquired about it at the main hall. But just as he zipped up his hoodie and prepared to depart, the door flew open, slamming against the wall, and an out-of-breath Gon stood on the front porch, apologies pouring out of his mouth.

“Ah, sorry, sorry! I got held up talking to Wing for awhile,” he panted, “and then I remembered that I forgot all my stuff back in the dining hall and I’m so sorry I’m late, you guys, oh! By the way! I’m Gon, I’m your leader!”

Killua was the first to respond, shuffling over and shouldering one of Gon’s heavy bags.

“Where do you want this?” he asked. His eyes flickered over to the last empty bed, and he felt his hopes and dreams for a peaceful vacation slowly slip away.

Gon grinned sheepishly. “Hmm, are there any empty ones left?” he said.

One of the kids Killua had spoken with earlier piped up. “What was your name, again?” he whispered.

“It’s Killua,” Killua whispered back.

The boy pointed to Killua’s bed. “Killua’s hiding an empty bed, so you can share with him!” he told Gon.

“Is that okay, Killua?” Gon said.

Killua smiled through gritted teeth. “Oh yeah,” he replied. “Fine. I’ll just, uh, go move my stuff.” He set Gon’s bag down by the bunk and shoved the rest of his own things up top. Gon watched quietly while the rest of the campers wandered away to chat amongst themselves again.  

“It’s so exciting,” Gon said after awhile. “Getting to share a bunk with Killua, just like last time!”

Killua snorted. He lifted himself up and rolled onto the top bunk, unfolding his sleeping bag and spreading it out to make a little nest. “If you say so,” he said.

Gon unrolled his own sleeping bag and threw it carelessly across the wooden board that made up the bottom of the bed frame. “You’re not excited?”

“Huh, how do I put it? I guess it would have been a lot nicer to have some space to myself back here.” Killua dropped back down and sat cross legged on the dusty floor beside Gon’s bed.

“But Killua! If it’s just you and me back here we can stay up all night talking! Look, I’ll even hang a blanket up like we used to, and we can tell stories and not have to worry about waking anybody up.”

Killua chuckled. “You haven’t changed at all, have you,” he said under his breath. “And anyway, you’ve got it all wrong; if it’s just you and me, _you’ll_ stay up all night talking to me while _I_ get no sleep at all.”

Gon leaned over to playfully punch Killua in the shoulder. “You haven’t changed either!” he laughed. “You’re still really mean!”

Pushing Gon’s arm away, Killua said, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t you have stuff to do, Mr. Group Leader?”

Gon’s eyes widened and he jumped up. He darted to the center of the room and clapped his hands to draw the campers’ attention.

“Can I have you guys sit in a circle on the floor, and we can all introduce ourselves?” he told them. Killua scooted over to join the group, putting a few bodies between himself and Gon.

Despite his rocky entrance, Gon fell into his leadership position with ease. It was hard not to respect the way he easily guided the group through some introductory exercises, patient and down-to-earth, yet firm when he needed to be. He had matured, perhaps more than Killua had originally imagined, while retaining his simple and childlike demeanor. The group took to him almost instantly.

Killua vaguely recognized one of the older kids, who had introduced himself as Zushi, but most of the faces were fresh this year (at least, to him). He made a pointed effort to try and match faces with names as they went around the circle introducing themselves. Gon had instructed them to state their names and something interesting about themselves, and Killua found himself genuinely intrigued by some of his new cabin mates. When his turn came around, however, he found himself with nothing to say.

“I’m Killua,” Killua began, rubbing his thumb over the hem of his sweatshirt. “I’m seventeen, and I…uh.” He scratched the back of his neck and looked at the quiet faces staring up at him expectantly. The most interesting thing about him had always been his status as a member of the Zoldyck household. It was what had always defined him. Zoldyck first, Killua last. What else was there?

He glanced over at Gon, who offered him a smile. Killua let out a breath and said, “Well, I’m really handy with a yo-yo.” That earned a few grins and the atmosphere shifted, as though some secret anxiety among the campers had been lifted.

“You should show us sometime, Killua! Maybe for the talent show,” Gon told him. Killua nodded, crossing his fingers that no one had snuck a yo-yo in their luggage so he’d be spared the embarrassment of showing off the lame tricks he’d learned from a YouTube video one lazy summer afternoon.

When introductions were complete Gon announced that it was time for them to meander down to the dining hall for dinner. The group as a whole seemed more relaxed, having somewhat eased into the camp mindset. They laughed easily and chatted animatedly as they walked the length of the field.

At dinner, Gon saved Killua from the awkward purgatory of choosing where to sit by inviting him to the table at the back where Kurapika and Leorio were already seated, bickering about something. The conversation was enjoyable, if a little strained due to the fact that Leorio and Kurapika refused to acknowledge each other’s existence for the remainder of the meal. When he finished, Gon announced that he was exhausted and was going straight to bed as soon as all his group were accounted for. Killua hastily seconded that sentiment. He liked Kurapika and Leorio, but the tension in the air was beginning to weigh on him.

It only took half an hour after that for Gon’s group to brush their teeth, trickle back into the cabin, and crawl into their sleeping bags one by one. The lights were out by nine-thirty (“I bet that’s a new camp record,” Gon had laughed), and soon the whole cabin was sleeping soundly.

But around midnight, the sound of a sleeping bag zipper coming undone and sock-clad feet padding across the dusty cabin floors shook Killua from his fitful sleep. He cracked open one eye, then the other, adjusting to the darkness of the room.

“Hey,” he whispered hoarsely. “Go back to bed.”

There was a pause. Whoever it was had stopped dead in their tracks, probably hoping that Killua would turn over and fall back asleep. _They should be so lucky!_ Killua thought sourly, wriggling free of his sleeping bag and hopping off the top bunk. He landed noiselessly and crept toward the shadowy figure, a yawn escaping him.

“Look,” he said, lazily twirling a lock of white hair around his finger, “I don’t wanna get you in trouble here, and now that you woke me up I’m kinda irritated, so I think it’s in both our best interests if you and I get back to sleep. Now.”

Killua recoiled as a warm hand found his mouth in the darkness.

“Aw, Killua, you caught me.”

It was Gon; of course it was Gon. Killua wrapped his fingers around Gon’s wrist and pried his hand away. He wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his sweatshirt and said, “What the hell are you sneaking out in the middle of the night for?”

Gon pressed a finger to his own lips and beckoned for Killua to follow him outside. They tiptoed past the sleeping campers and found themselves on the little porch, cooled by the chilly night air. Gon lowered himself down to sit on the steps while Killua chose to stand, one arm supporting him as he leaned against the railing.

“I’m going swimming,” Gon told Killua. He rubbed his hands together and blew into them for heat.

“What?” Killua exclaimed. “You’re joking. It’s the middle of the night, and it’s cold, and you’d be leaving your cabin unattended—“

Gon looked over his shoulder, determination flaring in his eyes.

“And?” he said. “It’s only for a little while. They won’t even notice we’re gone.”

“What’s this about ‘we’, now? Huh, Gon?” Killua said.

“Well, I was gonna go ask Kurapika and Leorio if you could come along first, but now that you’re already awake I’ll just tell them I dragged you along anyway.”

Killua let out an exasperated sigh. “What if I don’t wanna go?” he asked.

Gon gave him an odd look. “But you do, don’t you?”

“I don’t even have my swim trunks! They’re somewhere in my bag and it would be too noisy to—“

Gon cut him off with a laugh. “No, no, Killua! It’s been our tradition for years to go skinnydipping in the lake on the first night!”

The fragile impression of a Responsible Gon that had been tentatively forming in Killua’s mind throughout the day shattered in an instant. As if leaving his cabin alone wasn’t bad enough; as if it wasn’t bad enough that it was the middle of the night and cold and absolutely one-hundred-percent against the rules and they would probably be kicked out without a second thought if they were found out. No, it had to be Gon, and it had to be skinnydipping.

“No.” Killua planted his feet firmly and crossed his arms. “No way. You are _not_ dragging me into this. I might be your friend, but no.”

Gon blinked. His wide brown eyes caught the moonlight and he smiled almost sadly.

“You’ve actually changed a lot, Killua,” he said softly. “I bet if I asked you _way_ _back then,_ you would have gone in a heartbeat.”

Ten minutes and a few mild complaints later, they were a quarter of the way to the lake.


	4. water by moonlight

No flashlights, no maps. Gon’s steady feet led the way, letting the curve of the earth beneath him guide his steps. Killua walked a few paces behind, hands shoved in his pockets and head bowed slightly, while Gon babbled on with his usual exuberance, telling Killua fragmented stories of his previous camp adventures. But Killua was only half-listening. As his mind began to wander, so did his eyes, taking notice of the way Gon’s forest green sweatpants accentuated his thick, muscular calves. Gon’s hoodie had slipped down his back, revealing broad, brown shoulders. The last time they had seen each other, Gon had been little more than a stick. Even then, no one who knew him had doubted his strength, but now anyone could tell just by looking at him that he possessed incredible physical power.

Gon walked with a cheery spring in his step, arms swinging back and forth and head bobbing to either side ever so slightly. He was going on about the time a few years back when he and Leorio accidentally set fire to the kitchen while they were on cooking duty.

“It was awful!” he recalled. “They had to evacuate the mess hall during breakfast. All hundred of us! Just ‘cause Leorio left some toast in the toaster too long. Isn’t that funny, Killua?”

Killua blinked.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Good ol’ Leorio,” he replied half-heartedly.

Gon glanced over his shoulder. “Everything okay?” he asked. “I can slow down if you want. We’ll be there soon.”

Killua cast his eyes downward. For some reason, the longer he looked at Gon, the tighter his chest felt. And yet it was all he could do to tear his eyes away. Killua swallowed and jogged up to walk beside his friend.

“What’s the matter? Did you get tired of listening to me talk, Killua?” Gon teased, tugging on the hood of Killua’s sweatshirt to pull him closer. Killua batted his hand away.

“No, you were just going soooo slowly. I couldn’t deal with it anymore,” Killua replied cooly.

Gon laughed. “Anyway, it’s better this way,” he told him. “If we’re side by side like this.”

Killua cocked his head to one side, almost tripping over a gnarled tree branch in his path. He opened his mouth to ask Gon to clarify what he meant by that, but before he could get a word out Gon brought them both to a halt at the crest of a tiny hill overlooking the clear, glassy lake.

Lit by moonlight, the lake looked exactly as it did in Killua’s memory. A tiny stone beach led up to the water’s edge, framed by tall reeds on either side. Trees lined the far bank, and in the distance two hills parted to make way for the solemn mountain that dominated the peaceful scene. The only disturbance was the two figures paddling through the dark water. They swam so close to each other that in the darkness they seemed to blend together as one. Killua felt suddenly uneasy, as though he had just walked into something very intimate.

But next to him, Gon held up his hands to amplify his voice and called out, “Leorio! Kurapika! I’m here! I brought Killua too!”

At that, the two figures broke apart to swim a little ways away from each other.

“Hi Gon!” Leorio’s voice echoed in the stillness of the night. “Also hi Killua! Come on in, the water’s great!”

Kurapika’s shy, high-pitched laugh rang out. “Don’t trust this scoundrel!” he called. “It’s freezing!”

There was the sound of splashing water, followed by a shriek. Killua raised an eyebrow.

“Looks like they’re not fighting anymore,” Killua commented. “By the way, Gon, about those two—“

But Gon had already hopped down to the rocky bank and was now standing with his hands on his hips, surveying the area with a broad smile on his face. He shed his hoodie and flung it carelessly at a tree stump.

“You coming, Killua?” he said. His voice was muffled by the shirt he had pulled up around his face. Killua sucked in a breath, cursing himself for staring again. Then again, how could he not stare? Gon had really grown up these past few years, and there was nothing wrong with casually taking note of those changes. Especially when those changes were so muscular.

Killua slid down the gentle slope and found himself a few yards from where Gon was shamelessly stripping down. He tried to ignore the heat in his face as he slipped out of his sweatshirt and placed it, neatly folded, on a nearby boulder.

He painstakingly wriggled out of the rest of his clothes until all he was wearing were his boxer shorts and a scowl. Killua found the cold air extremely unforgiving. Goosebumps had begun to form on his arms, and he felt incredibly vulnerable. He was the cautious sort, always testing the proverbial waters before making his careful, calculated decisions. But this? He couldn’t deny that this was testing the boundaries of his comfort zone. And yet he found himself struck with the sudden realization that, for some reason, he didn’t actually care all that much.

Killua glanced over to see how Gon was faring. He caught just a glimpse of brown skin before Gon disappeared into the black depths of the lake only to resurface a second later, hair matted down and blinking the lake water from his eyes.

“How is it?” Killua called, rubbing his hands over his arms to stop himself from shivering.

“It’s. Very wet,” Gon called back. “Anyway, hurry up and get in!”

No force on earth would be enough to pry that last scrap of clothing off of Killua’s body. It didn’t matter what Gon might say about it; Killua still had some small shard of pride left. He hobbled across the pebbled beach and down to the edge of the lake, where he dangled one toe into the water, a dubious expression written on his face.

“It’s freezing,” he said flatly. “How are you not dead.”

Gon chortled at that, dunking his face in the water and coming back up to shake his head and send cold droplets flying in Killua’s direction. In the time it took for him to glare menacingly at his old friend, Kurapika and Leorio swam over and each grabbed hold of one of Killua’s ankles. They pulled him down and Killua’s world tilted as he let out a terrified yelp. He landed hard on his bottom, sending a shock of pain up his back. But the pain was nothing compared to the sensation of the icy water that now ensnared the bottom half of his body, stabbing his skin with pins and needles.

“You’ll get used to it,” Gon informed him with a shrug. Killua’s mouth hung open in shock, but he made no move to get out of the water.

Rolling onto his back and floating, Leorio said, “It’s only dangerous below a certain temperature. Trust me. I’m a doctor.” That earned a snicker from Kurapika. Leorio jabbed a finger into Kurapika’s arm and the younger man shied away, taking care to keep his chest covered as he paddled away.

“He’s not a doctor _yet,_ ” Kurapika corrected. “But Leorio’s right. There’s no need to worry about safety at this time of year. Besides, we brought towels.”

Gon snapped his fingers. “Towels,” he repeated. He looked at Killua with an uncomfortable smile on his face. “Guess what we forgot.”

Killua’s brain was still trying to recover from the shock of being plunged into the cold water, but he was coherent enough to hiss, “Like I said earlier, there’s no ‘we’ here. _You_ dragged me into this; that was _your_ responsibility.”

“You could have reminded me!” Gon protested weakly.

“So it’s my fault, now?”

“I didn’t say—“

Leorio clapped his hands to get their attention. “Hey! You two just met each other again for the first time in five years and you’re already at each other’s throats!” he said, exasperated. “Quit your whining and relax!”

“We have a very busy day tomorrow,” Kurapika reminded them. “You should try to relax while you can.”

Killua fumed. “This coming from the guys who pulled me in in the first place!” he said. Sensing his frustration, Gon paddled over to set a clammy hand on Killua’s shoulder.

“I think they’re right. Let’s just have some fun!”

At that, Kurapika and Leorio shared a look and rose from the water at the same time. Killua looked away, not particularly wanting to see more than he’d already seen of either of them. He heard the hushed sound of them whispering just quietly enough that he couldn’t make out what they were talking about, and then Kurapika was saying, “We’d love to stay longer, but we really should be getting back. Feel free to stay as long as you’d like, though. I’ll check up on your cabin on the way back, Gon.”

Gon nodded and thanked them both. Their footsteps faded away until there were no sounds but the gentle lapping of the water against the beach and Gon breathing softly beside Killua.

“So,” Gon said after awhile. “Come on. Let’s swim.”

Killua’s breath hitched. “No thanks.”

“Mm, but I wanna! Remember when we used to jump off the rope swing and see who could go the farthest? Killua, you were always so good at that. We could do that again, if you want. Look, it’s over there.” Gon pointed to a sturdy old tree that was rooted a few yards away. Killua recalled running down the dusty hill and propelling himself into the water, hands chafing as the rope slipped away. But the yellowed and frayed rope that had hung from its branches when they were children had been replaced by a newer rope with a few knots dotting its length.

Killua let his head roll back and stared up at the clear night sky.

“I kinda just want to sit and talk, if that’s okay,” he told Gon.

The lower part of Gon’s head slipped underwater and he blew bubbles with his nose. “Swim first though,” he said when he came back up for air.

“I already said no, Gon.”

“You always come around eventually!”

Over the past five years Killua had spent so much time obsessing over how good, how wanted Gon had made him feel during their brief time together that he had all but completely forgotten the stubborn, more infuriating parts of his friend’s personality. Killua scooted himself a little further into the water, hoping it would satisfy Gon for the time being. But of course, the second an idea entered Gon’s head, Killua knew the boy would cling to whatever it was until it was realized.

“No, no, no,” Gon said. “You can’t just go halfway! Come on, you’re already halfway in, you can’t turn around now, see?”

Killua rolled his eyes.

“Look, Gon, I really mean it. I don’t want to,” he replied. He bit his tongue, wary of the look of unwavering willpower in Gon’s eyes.

“I’ll carry you in.”

With that, he sealed Killua’s fate. Rather than face the embarrassment of being manhandled by a naked Gon in the middle of the night (their first night back, no less), Killua stood up, feeling the nip of the chilly air even more now that his lower half was soaked. He folded his arms and waded in until the water was up to his chest, and it felt as though a great pressure was pushing down on him.

“Happy?” he asked unhappily. Gon grinned, rising out of the water as well. Killua shut his eyes as he felt a familiar heat spread through his body. Thus far he had kept himself from seeing much, but he had certainly seen enough. Sure, they were friends, but they were also adults now, and though Gon’s physique was stunning, Killua really didn’t want the image of his friend’s naked form burned into his retinas for the remainder of his camp experience.

“You’ll feel better if you dunk your head under. Trust me, you get used to it quicker!” Gon announced.

Killua tried to steady his breathing as it grew more and more difficult to draw in air. He felt a sharp pain in his diaphragm. And then, in an instant, a flood of images rushed through his mind, as though being here had unlocked some kind of dam that had been holding them back.

_Water. Cold. Night. Lungs. Light._

He took a step backward and choked down the sudden nausea that rose in his stomach.

“No,” he whispered. “Gon. I’m not gonna. I’m not gonna dunk my head. I need to sit down.”

To Killua’s undying relief, Gon seemed to have noticed the sudden shift in Killua’s mood. He looked concerned as he offered Killua a hand getting out of the water. Killua ignored it and walked over to sit on the bank, his head spinning.

“Hey, Killua?” Gon said, his eyes wide. “Did something happen? I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard. I just really wanted to go swimming like we used to, again.”

Killua shook his head slowly. “It’s not you, Gon,” he assured him, although he wasn’t entirely sure _what_ it was. He was probably just tired, his brain overloaded with the mix of fear and excitement that stemmed from pushing against his own personal boundaries. Still. It was no big deal, just the dreamy mix of darkness and sleep deprivation getting to his head, although it never had before. _Still._

Killua didn’t even bother to look away this time when Gon moved out of the water to sit beside him. The frantic pounding of his heartbeat grew softer and he found that his body remembered that it was okay to be at ease around Gon. Or, at least, it was most of the time. He ran his fingers though his hair and pulled his legs up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees.

“Want me to tell you another story?” Gon asked after awhile.

“Sure. Shoot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not gonna lie; i'm actually fairly happy with this chapter. i'm also not gonna lie about the fact that i was considering stopping because i'm afraid i won't be able to get it to the point where i am even vaguely satisfied, but i honestly really enjoy writing this. anyway, there's a nice taste of a bit of their darker sides in here; meanwhile, leorio and kurapika continue to be an old married couple. next chapter should be up in a few days! thank you all so much for your kind words. you have no idea how much i appreciate them.


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